Psst...can I barrow five bucks? I gotta Pay the Ghost...

This is going to be my first Nicolas Cage review, and let me state how elated I am! Not because Nick Cage is such a meme, but because I think he is a great person who does great work no matter how ridiculous the role.

Really though, you've got to admit that even his worst film is still entertaining. I wasn't a fan of his Ghost Rider, but that hasn't stopped me from watching it at least three times.

But enough about my adoration of "The Cage", this is about his 2015 film Pay the Ghost.

Okay, first of all I need to address the kid who plays the son. This little shit is too fucking adorable. He has a raspy little toddler voice with a hint of more maturity to his age than his squishy little face plays at.

His part is minor, and his screen time is minimal, but whenever he's on screen hearing his voice is just the cutest reprieve from the usual "cute little child tone".

That's enough about you little pirate child. Moving along.

Then there's Sarah Wayne Callies. Or as the rest of the world knows her as Walking Dead's mother of the year.

Her character in this film is really no different.

Cry cry cry, i see my son everywhere, I want him back, it's you're fault he's missing, wah.

Shut up, Lori.

In case this part is confusing, allow me to shed some light on the movies plot, because Netflix does a shitty job, and the script doesn't paint a clear picture of what's going on, and who we're watching or why.

The movie opens on Halloween night, and the children are dressed as animals. But some shit is going down and the kids have to hide in a basement area while their mother endures another beating. It's not clear that this is a regular thing, but I'm just speculating based on the fact that these kids know what to do by hiding and being quiet.

Turns out this ladies children are violently taken from her, and she swears upon the gods that no one will ever take any children from her ever again.

How does she do this you ask? Simple. By kidnapping a child from all over the world every year on Halloween. Well shit, that's logical.

So it's now modern day Halloween and mom and son have just finished trick or treating, and dad
comes home, son is excited because he wanted to go out with him to celebrate. They end up going to the Halloween fair, walk the street, admire the costumes, frollick with the residents and get ice cream.

The kid sees some shit through his camera that isn't there, brushes it off and this is where the film picks up.

Son asks the dad if they can "pay the ghost", gets ignored, and then disappears.

Holy shit, shit just got real, son!!!!!

Where did mah boy go?

Okay, so we never really learn how to pay the ghost, just that this rotten bitch has been stealing children for hundreds of years now. But this time it's different. This time the ghost lady has stolen the wrong kid, because nothing is going to stop Nicolas Cage from getting his kid back. Not no lazy cops, not no blind creepy homeless old fart, and certainly not some mythical pagan legend that he just happens to stumble across.

I'm a professor!! I know about this stuff!!!

So dad finds a way to cross into the spirit realm to find his son, and while he's at it saves two other random baby meat sacks that have no real reason to join with, other than the fact that this is Nicolas Cage we're talking about. And Nic always goes the extra mile. There's a final boss fight between him and the ghostly kidnapper which gets interrupted by the hundreds of children that have been taken over the years, because you know, it's the spirit realm and physical bodies don't belong there because we have no strength.

The scene is finished off with an Indiana Jones style exit minus the hat. Son gets reunited with mom and has no recollection of what he just went through. Never mind that he was gone for a year.

Oh yeah, and a year passed in between the child getting taken and returned. Because that was clearly stated as well.

All in all the movie was entertaining. Dull. But entertaining At least I found it entertaining while I was doing something else.

Two murders and a cheese. There ya go.

P.S. No one was murdered in this film. But someone was incinerated from the inside out, and another thrown out of a window. By a ghost. Which doesn't qualify as murder. It's just death.